Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
