Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
