you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
