I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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