We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
