I'm eating all of the evidence.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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