I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
