Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
