In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
