how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
