Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
