Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
