Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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