At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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