You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
