the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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