i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
