I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
