Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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