Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
