I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
