all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
