he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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