and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
