OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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