i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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