Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
