Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
