Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
