Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
