i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
