I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
