I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
