I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
