cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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