He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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