its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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