Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
