you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
