It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
