the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
