just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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