I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
