As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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