I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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