fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize