a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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