am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
