I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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