so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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