I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
