i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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