dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
