I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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