i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize