So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
