Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
