Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
