Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
