I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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