I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
