just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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