ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize