Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize