dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
