i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
