ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
