Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
