You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
