I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
