i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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