I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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