the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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