if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
