We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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