If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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