She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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