Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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