i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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