It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
