The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
