Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
