The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
