R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
