Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
