you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
