Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
