did you get engaged???
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize