Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
