That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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