So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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