I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize