So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
